By Suleiman Tajudeen
…continued from last week
…they are responsible for their wives’ needs and other family members (i.e. the husband must be a responsible person, take care of the wife’s needs, children and other family members).
Couples’ responsibilities
Effective communication: Make time to talk, listen actively, and clarify expectations.
Show appreciation and gratitude: Express thanks and recognition for each other’s efforts.
Prioritize quality time: Regularly schedule quality time together, engaging in shared activities.
Emotional intimacy: Cultivate emotional closeness through vulnerability, empathy, and validation.
Manage conflicts constructively: Address conflicts in a respectful, empathetic, and solution-focused manner.
Independence: Encourage individual interests, hobbies, and friendships.
Affection and intimacy: Regularly express physical affection and intimacy.
Wives should not allow anybody to enter her matrimonial home without the permission of her husband.
A good woman should not incite her children against family members (i.e. requests that could not be met at home for children should not be allowed to cause conflicts in the matrimonial home).
Wives should respect their husbands in totality and vice versa.
Causes of psychosocial problems in marriages
Poor communication: Ineffective or absent communication.
Lack of intimacy: Insufficient emotional or physical closeness.
Financial stress: Financial difficulties or disagreements.
Infidelity: Betrayal of trust through extramarital relationships.
Unrealistic expectations: Unmet or unrealistic expectations in the relationship.
Lack of trust: Mistrust or distrust in the relationship.
External pressures: External factors, such as work-related stress, family conflicts, or health issues.
Incompatibility: i.e. Issues of incompatibility should be addressed by the couple amicably.
Illness might lead to marital disharmony.
Sexual dysfunction could lead to marital disharmony.
Breach of privacy should be a source of marital disharmony.
Leadership role at home could be a source of stress in some families.
In-laws or friends’ intervention could be a source of marital disharmony.
Drug abuse could lead to disharmonious home or marriage.
Physical abuse and assault could lead to marital disharmony.
Love: Marriage where love is not the root of their union is bound to fail.
Psychosocial problems in marriages
Preventing psychosocial problems in marriages in Nigeria requires a multifaceted approach that involves individuals, couples, families, communities, and society as a whole. Here are some strategies that can help:
Pre-marital counseling: Seek counseling before marriage to discuss expectations, values, and goals.
Regular date nights: Schedule regular quality time together.
Open communication: Foster open, honest, and respectful communication.
Conflict resolution skills: Develop healthy conflict resolution skills.
Emotional intelligence: Foster emotional intelligence by teaching effective communication, conflict resolution, and emotional regulation skills.
Self-awareness: Encourage individuals to develop self-awareness, recognizing their values, beliefs, and emotions.
Mental health: Promote mental health awareness, encouraging individuals to seek help when needed.
Family support: Foster a supportive family environment that encourages open communication and emotional expression.
Community engagement: Encourage community engagement and social support networks for couples.
Cultural sensitivity: Promote cultural sensitivity and understanding, recognizing the diversity of Nigerian cultures.
Education and awareness: Promote education and awareness about healthy relationships, mental health, and psychosocial well-being.
Policy support: Advocate for policies that support healthy relationships, such as paid family leave and mental health services.
Media representation: Encourage positive media representation of healthy relationships and marriages.
Integrate traditional and modern approaches: Combine traditional Nigerian values with modern relationship skills and knowledge.
Cultural and societal expectations: Recognize and address cultural and societal expectations that can contribute to psychosocial problems in marriages.
Accessible resources: Ensure that resources, such as counseling services and support groups, are accessible and affordable for all Nigerians.
By implementing these strategies, we can work towards preventing psychosocial problems in marriages in Nigeria and promoting healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Management of marital problems
Seek counseling: Consult a couples therapist or counselor.
Identify and address issues: Recognize and address underlying issues.
Develop conflict resolution skills: Learn healthy conflict resolution strategies.
Foster emotional intimacy: Cultivate emotional closeness and vulnerability.
Practice forgiveness and understanding: Work towards forgiveness and understanding.
Couples therapy: Evidence-based therapies like Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) help couples address communication, intimacy, and conflict issues.
Marriage education: Programs like PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) and PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills) teach couples relationship skills and conflict resolution strategies.
Online resources: Websites, apps, and online forums provide access to relationship advice, counseling, and support groups.
Support/Group Psychotherapy: Physical and online support groups can connect individuals and couples with others experiencing similar marital challenges.
Cultural and traditional Approaches: Involving family members, elders, or traditional leaders in conflict resolution and mediation.
Religious counseling: Seeking guidance from religious leaders or counselors, such as imams or pastors.
Community-Based initiatives: Local organizations and community groups offer counseling, mediation, and support services for couples.
Government initiatives: Some state governments in Nigeria offer free or low-cost counseling services for couples.
Effective communication: Practicing active listening, empathy, and clear expression of needs and feelings.
Intimacy and emotional connection: Prioritizing quality time, emotional intimacy, and physical affection.
Financial management: Developing healthy financial habits, such as budgeting, saving, and joint financial decision-making.
Seeking professional help: Consulting with clinical psychologists, counselors, or other mental health professionals for marital counseling.
Challenges and limitations in marriage
Stigma and cultural barriers: Seeking help for marital problems may be stigmatized in some cultures or communities.
Limited resources: In some areas, especially rural or underserved communities, access to counseling services, support groups, or online resources may be limited.
Financial constraints: Couples may face financial challenges in seeking professional help or attending marriage education programs.
Communication breakdown: Poor communication, lack of emotional intelligence, and ineffective conflict resolution.
Intimacy and emotional disconnection: Lack of emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and emotional connection.
Parenting: Balancing parenting responsibilities, managing family dynamics, and navigating extended family relationships.
Infidelity and trust: Dealing with infidelity by rebuilding trust.
Expectations: Navigating cultural, societal, and family expectations.
Personal Growth and Development: Balancing individual growth, personal development, and relationship growth.
Cultural and Traditional Pressures: Managing cultural and traditional expectations, such as polygamy, extended family involvement, and traditional marriage practices.
Education and career expectations: Balancing education, career goals, and family responsibilities.
Religious and spiritual differences: Navigating religious and spiritual differences, and finding common grounds.
Family interference: Managing interference from extended family members, and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Domestic violence and abuse: Addressing domestic violence, emotional abuse, and psychological abuse appropriately.
Healthcare and Access to Resources: Limited access to healthcare, counseling services, and other resources.
In conclusion, managing marital problems requires a comprehensive approach that incorporates cultural, traditional, and modern strategies. By acknowledging the challenges and limitations, couples, communities, and governments can work together to provide accessible, effective, and culturally sensitive support for couples in Nigeria and globally. Although there are no perfect strategies to cope with marital problems however, research and experiences have shown that good communication patterns among couples and other several peaceful methods as suggested in this article can help couples live a peaceful and harmonious marital life.
References
Akinade, E. A., & Suleiman, A. A. (2003). Sexually Education and Couple Guidance, Lagos: Babs Olatunji Publishers.
Gottman, J. M. (2015). Principles of a healthy relationship. In J. M. Gottman & N. Silver (Eds.), The seven principles for making marriage work (pp. 1-14). Harmony Books.
Markman, H. J., Renick, M. J., Floyd, F. J., Stanley, S. M., & Clements, M. L. (1993). Preventing marital distress through communication and conflict resolution skills: A randomized clinical trial. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 61(1), 70-77.
Olson, D. H., & DeFrain, J. (2003). Marriages and families: Intimacy, diversity, and strengths. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Seven Steps to a Harmonious Marriage. voice.yahoo.com/sevenstepsharmonia… Retrieved 20th January, 2025.
Seven Steps to strengthen marriage. www.Ids.org/ensign/20022/03/sevenst. Retrieved 22nd January, 2025.
Suleiman, T. F. (2013). Harmonious marital relationship and its sustainability in Nigeria. paper presented at the annual seminar of the Criterion, Lagos State Teaching Hospital, Ikeja, Lagos State, Nigeria.
Dr Suleiman Tajudeen is Diretor, Clinical Psychology, Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), Idi Araba, Lagos
